Lights Out...

So last night I had big plans.  Jason went to the high school all-nighter with the youth group and I for the first time decided to not participate.  Motherhood has taught me that all-nighters come more frequently than once a year and are a lot less fun than midnight bowling so I decided to stay home with my girls and sleep.

My plan:  To put the two little ladies to bed around 8:30, mop the floor, and stay up late watching all the girl movies from the Red-box at Ridley's that no one else in my family currently appreciates.

So dinner was done, and mostly cleaned up.  Joanna was in her PJ's headed to bed and Lily was watching Tangled when the wind started howling, and rearranging the furniture on the deck.  Lily and Joanna were freaked out and I was reassuring them it was all going to be fine when the lights began to flicker...once, twice... then out.

All of a sudden my two little freak outs became big freak outs.  Windy, stormy night is not usually a favorite with little girls, and the cherry on top, pitch black house when Dad isn't home, equaled total panic.  Now, if you know me, you know that I am a total scaredy-cat.  I am not a fan of scary movies, or the dark.  I love light.  I love sunshine. I love moonlight, but only romantic strolling on the beach moonlight, not dark stormy night moonlight.  So here I am, home alone with two little kids, and to be completely honest totally freaking out on the inside myself.  On the outside though, "I am woman hear me roar."  I am calm, reassuring.  Finding candles and flashlights while hold one child and trying to hug the other clinging to my side in terror.

Needless to say, we had to walk downstairs and to the garage to find a flashlight...both girls and the dog came with.  Needless to say my floors didn't get mopped because when the power came back on at 10:30 (approximately 3 hours later)  Lily sat up from under her blankets of protection and proclaimed "Hallelujah", then refused to leave my side in case it happened again.  So there we sat on the coach, snuggled together, while Joanna slept in her crib...trying to follow a movie that I think I watched less of than Lily.  Needless to say, my girl's night movies were left unwatched and will probably return to the their Red Box home just the way they came, unwatched and unappreciated by the Richardson household.

And even though, my night of clean floors, rest, and relaxation turned into coloring on the coach with flashlights and singing "Jesus Loves Me" a few times while pretending to not fear the storm outside and the dark inside, I am blessed.  I am blessed to have a healthy six year old who trusts me to protect her from the dark and her fears.  I am blessed to have a home that keeps the wind and cold at bay when the storms rage.  I am blessed to have friends to call and chat with to keep my mind off the fear when the dark seems too big and my side kick is hiding under a blanket, but most of all I am supremely blessed to have a savior who does love me, this I know, for the Bible tells me so.

This is the message we have heard from him and declare to you: God is light; in him there 
is no darkness at all. 


1 John 1:5

So, about last night....

At 11:45 pm on Saturday night...

Last night was one of those nights.  One of those nights where your kid throws up on someone else's living room floor.  One of those nights where you sit in an empty waiting room for the Dr. to tell you it isn't Strep Throat and you probably should of just went home and put your kid to bed.  One of those nights when your big grown up six year old all of a sudden becomes your little baby again.  

As I sat there, for an hour, in the empty waiting room, watching my little lady sleep...I realized once again how precious she is, how fragile she is, how sweet she is, and just how much my heart aches with love for her.  

So...I took a picture.  Maybe that is weird, but all at once I was flooded with the feeling that right now won't last very long and I wanted to save this moment for later, because soon she will be too big to carry to the car, soon she won't have me drive her to the Dr., soon she will be all grown up to the outside world, but to me she will always be my little lady Lily.  

Thank you God for my sweet girls, in sickness and in health. Amen.     

Where did my "Thankfulness" go?

Every year, around Thanksgiving time, I feel very blessed.  I can easily, without much effort, rattle off a list of people, places, and things I am truly thankful for:  my sweet family, my warm cozy house, my slippers, anything flavored with pumpkin spice...

I am very blessed and very cared for...but something happens to me the minute I start reading the Black Friday ads...my thankfulness disappears and I develop a case of the wants.  I try to dress this condition of greed up by telling myself I will be shopping for others, for Christmas presents, for my sweet family I mentioned earlier, but that is not entirely true.  I like the shopping, the getting, the possessing of material things that are pretty, cool, fun, attractive to my eye.  I struggle with materialism.  I am greedy....and deep down this greed, left unchecked, has the ability to crush my thankfulness. 

My plans were to shop...to buy fun things...to spend money that was better left unspent. 

God's plans were for me to care for my sick family. 

So this year I am thankful for Strep Throat and an ear infection.  Both of these conditions forced me to avoid feeding my greed in an effort to care for my loved ones.  Nothing like illness to produce a sudden realization of the value of health.  Both my husband Jason and my littlest kiddle Joanna were sick on Thanksgiving....Joanna with the ear infection and Jason with the Strep.  Both were miserable...and both needed my care for about two and a half days....about the exact length of the amazing Black Friday Sales.

Even though things didn't go as planned, I still had the opportunity to eat delicious food at my mom and dad's, visit with my FABULOUS in-laws, spend time with my sweet little Lily, watch movies with Jason and hold my baby JoJo for extended periods of time which she normally doesn't allow now that she is a toddler.  All in all Thanksgiving was ok, and I am even more thankful now that my family is healthy again.
 

Lily's turkey hand...love this!

My hero...

Not only is my husband Jason funny, smart, hardworking, and incredibly good looking...but it turns out he is a super hero.  Like Peter Parker or Clark Kent he may look like an average everyday kinda guy, but in the event of an emergency he develops super powers and saves trapped hunters from raging river waters. 

Today, like most Saturdays, my husband got up in the wee small hours of the morning to hunt ducks on the Snake River.  This year has been especially exciting because he not only has built a duck blind on a small rock island located in the middle of the river, he also is keeping a chart to record the results of each hunting trip.  Yes, he is completely obsessed with duck hunting, and I am completely not.  From fall to winter Jason lives for Saturday morning hunting trips.  It is a scheduled weekly event, no questions asked, every Saturday you can find him on the river, shot gun and duck calls in hand.  

This Saturday he of course went hunting...he returned home around noon...he cleaned ducks...he came upstairs looking for something to eat.  Pretty routine, nothing out of the ordinary, until the phone rang.  My parents called, they live on the river, right above the rapids...my dad's question:  "Did Jason leave one of his hunting buddies behind?"  Followed by...."This guy is stranded on the rocks right above the rapids."  My parents had called 911 in the hopes that someone could help this guy out. 

About 10 minutes later my mom calls back and asks Jason to come over.  When Jason gets there about 20 emergency workers have arrived:  EMT's, QRU's, Police officers, Fish and Game, Fire Department, etc.  I should mention that when Jason left he promises me he wouldn't get in the water, no river rafting for him. 

I head over to my parents about 10 minutes later to find Jason down with the emergency workers helping develop some type of plan.  The plan ends up being Jason and an EMT will head across the river in Jason's boat, tie the boat off on the opposite shore and float the empty boat out to the stranded man.

So here we are...on my parents deck...watching Jason and an EMT float closer and closer to the rapids, they find the opposite shore...get out of the boat and begin tying it off.  No problem so far...however, somehow, the plan changed.  Next thing I know, Jason is in the boat rowing directly towards the rapids and the guy stranded on the rock.  When Jason reaches the man, who at this time has been on the rock for about two hours, the exhausted, soaking wet hunter jumps in the boat.  The boat rocks a little...my heart stops a little...the EMT, on shore, begins pulling the boat, which is tied off still up river.  For the next couple minutes my father-in-law Eric, who also came by to watch the excitement unfold, assures me over and over again that Jason will be fine, and low and behold after about three minutes of anxiety, Jason and the hunter are sitting on the shore safe and sound. Praise God!

My husband, the river guide, saved the day.  Who knew that all of Jason's hunting adventures have been but training for life saving.  To the world he may seem like an average, normal everyday kinda guy, but to me he is a super hero in disguise. 

The peace of age...

At 31 sometimes I look in the mirror and fear the effects of the aging process.  Yesterday as Jason and I drove to church with the girls we discussed the signs of aging on our faces.  I pointed out the crow's feet developing around my eyes as he discussed his multiplying gray hairs.  We laughed at our vanity and promised to love each other even if...

I forgot all about our silly conversation...took the girls to Sunday school, grabbed a cup of coffee and headed into church, ten minutes late of course. 

In the middle of worship I noticed something...a woman in her golden years sitting one row in front of me and two people down worshipping God.   She was beautiful, peaceful, and joyful.  As our worship leader prayed between songs she whispered amen and nodded her head, quietly to God, focused on him.  I began to image her life...she most likely is a mother, a grandmother, a wife.  She most likely has experienced mountains and valleys, she most likely has laughed so hard her stomach ached and cried so hard her eyes had no tears left to give.  She has most likely lived at least thirty plus years more than myself, and she holds in her soul the wisdom of age.  The knowledge of experiencing heart ache and surviving it, experiencing joy and savouring it, experiencing trial and growing from it. 

As I sat there taking in this beautiful sight I remembered my silly, vain conversation with my husband and I realized that I was missing the beauty of the signs of age, the signs of wisdom, the signs of peace.

The glory of the young is their strength; the gray hair of experience is the splendor of the old.
Proverbs 20:28-30

Splendor defined means brilliant or gorgeous appearance, glory, grandeur, and great brightness.  As I witnessed God's glory in this aged woman's open devotion to him I saw splendor defined. I didn't see gray hair, wrinkles, or crow's feet.  I saw wisdom, peace, experience, strength and faith; a faith that comes from walking with God and seeing what he can do over time in one's life, a faith I look forward to having. 

My Extremely-Bad Couponing Adventure...

So is anyone else trying to jump on the couponing band wagon and missing it? 

I, a new stay-at-home-mom, had a bit of a breakdown yesterday.  After spending one hour and twenty two minutes trying to print coupons off the Target web-site, after driving the 24 miles to the big city of Twin, after spending two hours trying to locate the items on my list while deciphering the rules on each coupon, (Which, by the way, I carried in a zip lock baggy and transferred to my sweatshirt poach each time I put an item in the cart; not the most effective strategy.) ...after bribing my 18 month old with popcorn from the Target snack bar and a Fur-Real Pet she held throughout the store but had to return to it's home once we reached the register.... I saved...Are you ready for this?... $55.52. 

That sounds awesome right, really productive, and at first I was super stoked and proud of myself, but you know what they say about pride....here comes that fall.  Once I got home from my shopping adventure I took a minute to balance my check book and see what I really spent on my saving spree. 

$17.00 in gas to drive to Twin, $1.52 for popcorn, $3.79 for a Pumpkin Spice Latte that I couldn't resist, and $4.97 for a sweater I found on the 70% off rack that I should of tried on in the store because once I got it home and put it on I realized exactly why it was not the only, but one of eight identical sweaters on the 70% off rack....grand total of extra spending $27.28. 

Next, I factored in the time...1 hour 22 minutes searching for coupons, 30 minute trip to Twin times two, 2 hours entertaining 18 month old in Target while shopping, 13 minutes at the register trying to figure out why the check printing machine wouldn't work, and yes I wrote a check, an actual real live check, because my husband had my Debit card...and yes I was that lady, the one with the grumpy child who needed a nap about an hour ago, the one with 15 coupons wadded up in her sweatshirt pocket, the one writing a check when the girl behind her is just trying to buy a pack of gum and some paper towels...
Grand Total of Time Spent...4 hours and 35 minutes. 

Ok, so if my math is right, after extra expenses I saved $28.24 and lost 4 hours and 35 minutes.  Not sure if the savings was worth the investment this time.  

I want to say to all the amazing coupon gurus out there that you are my heroes; efficient, frugal, fabulous individuals. However, for me, right now, in my crazy little world, I think I will wave as the coupon band wagon rolls on by.  Maybe I will just shop the sales at the local markets, buy generic instead of name brand and have extra time to go to the park with my little girls.

I am not super mom. My laundry isn't all done. My kids eat too much sugar and not nearly enough vegetables.   I don't buy two carts of groceries for 3 dollars and 89 cents, and sometimes my check book isn't balanced and the bank charges me the dreaded overdraft fee. 




My breakdown:  I am just me.

My breakthrough:  Right now being just me is good enough.

Quote of the day:  "God made you special and he loves you very much."
                                                                                          -Bob the Tomato

To all the mommies in the world...

Yesterday I took my oldest girl to school for the first time.  She wore an amazingly fun outfit that she picked out.  She carried her brand new Littlest Pet Shop backpack and Scooby Doo Mystery Machine lunchbox with pride and excitement.  She had no reservations about starting school.  She woke up pumped and ready to go at 6:30. She asked to leave about fifteen times between 7:00 and 7:30.  She chose to ride with Daddy in his cool work truck because, and I am guessing here, he drives a little faster than Mommy, and yes we were those parents who both went to drop her off because even though she held zero reservations about the whole event, we were both a little nervous about leaving our little one at school for the day.  Joanna and I followed in my car praying the whole way. 

I expected to cry, to be sad, to miss my Lily...but I didn't feel any of the expected emotions.  Her excitement was infectious and all I felt was joy for her optimism and expectant hope of how amazing the next phase in her little life would be.  She is my firecracker, ready to take on the world.

The above picture is my new favorite...As all moms do, I wanted to have the morning-of-the-first-day-of-school picture, prior to recess and dust and sweaty feet that have grown accustom to running in flip flops longing to be free from the confines of hot socks and tennis-shoes.  I asked Lily to pause in her excitement for a quick snap shot.  She immediately smiled, struck the above pose, and yelled excitedly, "I can't wait to start kindergarten!"  This little boy and what I can only assume was his brother, both upper elementary aged.  Were walking by and smiled at my daughter's joyous declaration.  I love my Lily.  She is amazing and I will never forget how excited she was.

Harvest Time

Sweet moments watching my little ones pick tomatoes... 

All of our watering and weeding is paying off.  I love watching my little girls pick tomatoes and eat tomatoes.  They both bite into them like apples.  Love it.  Messy, giggling, searching, finding, loving life.  Soooo much fun.  Thank you Lord for all of your sweet creations, from tomatoes to little girls. 

Why is brushing your hair and teeth so painful when you are five?

Every morning around 8 am my five year old and I have a battle between her knotted hair and my hair brush.  She usually screams in agony as I try to, as gently as possible, remove the knots and tangles that her pillow has created.  I would like to report that this is the only daily task that reduces her to a puddle of tears, but sadly I cannot.  She usually loses it over brushing her teeth with toothpaste, which she claims is "too spicy" even though I have purchased the kid's watermelon or strawberry flavor, washing her hair and eating most vegetables.  Not sure why, but she seems to be protesting any process that produces cleanliness and health.  If it were up to my litttle lady she would leave the house unbrushed, unwashed, sporting her mismatched pj's and a pair of flip flops...stinky yet comfortable.

As I consider this current stage in her life, I look at my own walk with Christ.  I think sometimes I must sound very much like my angry five year old.  "Pray Danielle, read your Bible Danielle, wash in the daily cleansing of my word"....yet I protest.  I allow other daily tasks to take the place of the most important...connecting with God through spending time in his word and prayer.  When I start my day spending time with God, I am encouraged, filled up, ready to take on the day...when I don't, I am tangled, mismatched, frustrated easily, reduced to a puddle of tears by minor glitches in my daily routine. 

I've tried to explain to my five year old the long term effects of not brushing her teeth and not combing her hair; a toothless, tangled future.  As I negotiate yet again the morning routine, I start to consider the long term results of not developing daily time with my lord and savior.  Maybe I will have all my teeth and my hair won't be tangled, but I will not grow spiritually. I will become weak and frail, and I will miss out on the abundant life God has planned for me. 

This week's goal:  Spend time with God daily...and get my mini me to cooperate in cleanliness without too much protesting.  Pray for me. 

Million Dollar View

When did preparing for vacation become so exhausting? 

When I was a little kiddle VACATION was one of my favorite words.  Vacation meant camping, Disneyland, the beach, grandma's house...the possibilities were endless and always exciting to think about and prepare for.   Like pizza on Friday nights, vacations never seemed like a bad idea.  Now, as a mother with small children, vacation isn't always a happy thought.  Just as pizza is no longer my first choice of food on a Friday night, vacations don't always sound like a good idea.  Not to sound negative but I now understand why my parents were happy to return home after a long week away in a motor home, tent, van, with three young children and the dog.  I now know why my mom seemed exasperated while preparing to leave and why my dad and her usually spent the first ten minutes in the car reviewing the mental checklist of things forgotten and reassuring one another that they didn't really need to bring that item after all.  I now understand the behind the scenes activities that accompany preparing for take off...even if it is just a road trip. 

Today, as my own family prepared for such a trip I took a moment to learn a lesson from my oldest little girl.  I was on the deck, soaking the flower buckets and checking on the tomatoes when I heard my Lily playing.  She was on the front stairs with a few toys, a couple stuffed animals and a bucket of dog food that she added a couple of cups of water to in an effort to make soup for her stuffed pets.  She was giggling and singing and telling her toys all about our exciting adventure to come.  I just stopped for a moment and listened.  It was like traveling back in time.  I immediately felt seven years old, barefoot standing on the warm summer driveway in the evening, watching my dad pack the car, day dreaming of all the possibilities that lay ahead.  For a moment I felt the care free excitement of childhood that allows one to truly experience all that life has to offer, free from the stress and worry that adulthood brings.

For a moment it was nice to see the world through the eyes of my little girl.  And you know what? Life looks pretty sweet through her eyes.

Step 1...

Today I realized that I have lost the capacity to spend time alone and truly enjoy it. Pre-motherhood I could wander a store solo, spend an afternoon bike riding independently, read a book while lounging on my living room floor without anyone to talk to and truly feel at rest and at peace in my solitude. However, in the last five years I have slowly, without noticing, unlearned the art of quiet time.

Today when I left my house around noon, my two little ones entrusted to an awesome babysitter, I was looking forward to three hours of almost free time awaiting me in the big city, alone...able to shop and run errands without anyone complaining, whining, arguing, crying, etc.  In theory this all sounded utterly blissful; in reality, it felt utterly lonely. I guess I have grown accustom to being a party of three.  After spending the last two months as The Three Amigas, I feel a little lost when I do not have my girls in tow. 

I guess there are two sides to this coin, two truths that must learn to coexist some how without canceling each other out. Truth 1:   I am a mom and thus my heart is joined to my childrens' hearts.  Being apart from them feels a little like leaving the house only wearing one earring or one shoe, uncomfortable and out of sorts.  Second truth:  I am an individual who needs time to recoup, think, run errands uninterrupted, sing too loud to the radio in the car with the windows down on back country roads where only the wind, dogs and cows can hear (Not that I do that.  ;) , breathe, have time alone for me and God to chat.  Not spending time alone with me, myself, and God feels a little like losing touch with an old friend, regretful and sad. 

Answer:  Not sure....but isn't the first step admitting the problem.  On the road to recovery...one step at a time.

Removing the weeds in love...

I find great fulfillment in pulling weeds....I know that sounds crazy, but I actually like the process, chore, job of going outside and spending some time yanking the little green monsters out of the ground.  It is quite satisfying to stop them from taking over and choking out my little tomato garden.  

Yesterday I was spending some quality time weeding while Joanna napped and I began thinking about God and me and weeds.  I began to think how God is the master gardener of my little life.  As sins crop up in my life, which they do daily, he comes in and helps me weed them out.   He would gladly pull them out by the root, ridding me of each specific sin permanently, but sometimes, unlike my tomato garden, I fight the gardener himself.  I hold on to the sin by the roots.  I won't let it go, and then I am left with that sin or weed that has only been scalped but not completely uprooted and soon, with time, it grows back.  I began to consider how frustrated God must get with me, with my sins, the weeds that grow back continually, then I had an epiphany.  I am never mad at my garden for having weeds.  I have never once thought, "Garden, how can you grow weeds, what is wrong with you?"  In fact, I know the weeds will come.  I expect the weeds to show up all summer long, and I find satisfaction in daily tackling the chore of weeding: removing the bad in an effort to allow the fruitful plants to flourish and provide my family with delicious tomatoes.

Life lesson learned while gardening:  I enjoy maintaining and caring for my garden.  God enjoys maintaining and caring for me.  While I do not like that weeds grow in my garden, I still love my garden in spite of the weeds.  While God detests the sins that grow in my life, he still loves me in spite of my sins and continually helps me rid my life of them. 

But God demonstrates His own love toward us, in that while we were still sinners, Christ died for us. Romans 5:8

fried chicken, wind chimes, and hope...

Soooo frustrated today...  Nothing life altering, just general existing is hard kind of stuff. 

My day started at the dentist, 7 am, two fillings.  While in the dentist chair, I noticed a big blue ink stain on my favorite jeans, boo.  Vanilla Latte, a few moments of quiet in the car driving home, up and dressed before 8 am...I had big plans for a fabulous day despite the altered favorite jeans and the numb and tingling mouth.  When I arrived home, all was quiet on the western front.  The girls were still sleeping and Jason was preparing to leave.  I made him breakfast, we talked for a quiet moment, all was well with the world.  My little lady Lily seemed happy when she woke up but her inner ogre came out the minute we entered a public atmosphere. Forgot Joanna's diaper bag and shoes when we headed out today.  Despite these few set backs, I had a great time with Tina, Andrew, and Lareesa...Tie Dye Tuesday...running around Buhl for about two hours.  After a delicious lunch at Arctic Circle, where Lily displayed her lack of table manners for about half an hour, we ended up at the public library.  Inside the library my daughter became a quiet and peaceful child.  Everything was going well and after about thirty minutes of quiet time...Joanna decided that she needed to liven up the place.  It was time for the Richardson girls to head on our way.  I told Lily we needed to go, but she felt differently.  Not sure why, but a fit was had as we left the library...I have to say it was a very quiet fit, complete with silent foot stomping and dirty looks.  She waited to cry and scream until we got outside, very considerate of her.  I feel a small sense of accomplishment that she knows and observes the library rule of silence.  Skipped the grocery store, straight home, nap time...ya' right!  Both girls laid awake in bed for over half an hour.  Grumpy on the phone with Jason, skipped a fun BBQ with my BFF Tina, and decided, that for today, all hope was gone...a serious case of the poor me's!  Just when I was ready to give up, throw in the towel, cry (OK, so I did cry.)....Jason shows up with a wind chime for our garden, fried chicken for dinner, and the hinges I've been meaning to buy to hang this swing I bought for JoJo over three weeks ago.  Jason hung up Joanna's swing and I spent about an hour gardening while Lily pushed JoJo in her new swing.  The girls ended the day laughing and giggling together, happy ending after all.  Leave it to hope to show up looking like my husband, smelling like fried chicken and sounding like wind chimes.  

Chocolate Chip Pancakes...You say why, I say why not!

So last night I was able to spend a little one-on-one time with my mini-me Lily.  She and I had about two glorious hours together and decided to have what has now become our favorite dinner, chocolate chip pancakes.  I would like to tell you that she and I made them together, that she measured out each ingredient and clumsily added it to the mixing bowl.  I would like to tell you that she cracked each egg carefully, tongue sticking out for extra concentration power...I would like to, but I can't, because the truth is she watched a movie in the living room while I quickly made our delicious dessert/dinner in an effort to allow maximum relaxation time.  We did, however, eat the pancakes picnic style, on the living room floor, blanket and all.  Best part... "Mommy you are the bestest cook in the world.  I love your dinners."  Sweet moment, not just because of the food, but because of the company. 

True Freedom

Today in church I had a moment to reflect on the idea that freedom isn't free.  Everything costs, including our freedom here in America.  I am one who takes for granted, on a regular basis, the idea that I am free to worship my God in a public place without fear of harm against myself, my spouse, my children, my family.  Looking at my own little girls, I realize they are so blessed...they live in a country where they are given the right to life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness, upon birth.  It is hard to think that right now, people in other countries, at this very moment do not all live in the same freedom I do.  I think more about this freedom I have and while I am grateful for my practical freedoms I enjoy on a daily basis here in America, I realize that true freedom comes from Christ and a life in Christ alone.  My heavenly father tells me that

    ‘ You are My servant,
      I have chosen you and have not cast you away:
       ¹⁰ Fear not, for I am with you;
      Be not dismayed, for I am your God.
      I will strengthen you,
      Yes, I will help you,
      I will uphold you with My righteous right hand.’ 

That is true freedom to me...living without fear, because I know my God holds me in his hand.  Even though I hear those words in church and they comfort me....as an anxious mother of two,  I tend to worry.  Sometimes in the late hours of the night, anxiety creeps in and the what-if's take hold...what if my kids get sick, what if we can't pay all the bills, what if the sky falls...I begin to suffer from "The Chicken Little" syndrome.  You know, "The sky is falling, the sky is falling."

Joanna, at one year of age, has decided to become a mountain goat.  She climbs everything, the fireplace mantel, the coach, the kitchen chairs, the stairs, whatever "mountain" she can find, she must scale it without fear.  While she enjoys the climb, the adventure of it all, she does, sometimes, find herself stuck, at which point she does what most one year olds do, she yells mama or dada and expects one of us to come running.  The moments of fear she has encountered prompt her to yell out for help, assistance, and her one year old expectation is that one of her parents will come...because that is what we do.  She calls, we come running.  Even though, she has had moments of setback, times she has fallen, times she has been stuck crying for help, she does not stop scaling mountains.  She continues to move forward, full speed ahead, trusting her parents will help her, trusting that the adventure is worth the risk...I can learn a lesson from my little one.  I too need to climb mountains in search of God's plan...I too need to call out to my heavenly father when I am stuck or hurt...I too need to expect him to come running because he loves me that much.  He is there, I just need to seek him in faith each day, each moment.  Trusting in the Lord everyday, looking outward to others instead of letting my fears drag me inward to my worries. Living free...living in the Lord's grace. 

Something old, something new...

Ok, so the plan was to post at least weekly and here I am three months later entering my second post...wow.  In my life, the last three months have been about endings and new beginnings...If I am honest, which I am realizing is a challenge for me, I have redeemed some time and wasted some.  I have watched an amazing  friend pass away, I have watched my first class of freshmen graduate from high school, and I have left behind the working world to watch my babies grow. 

I have gone to the pool, the zoo, the circus, the garden in my front yard, the park, and the grocery store, all in the past two weeks, which is a Richardson Record of "fun having" by Lily, Joanna and myself.  I am not a "fun" mom by nature.  I am a "get everything done in the shortest amount of time with the least amount of interruptions" mom by nature.  The little egg timer in my mind is constantly reminding me that I only have thirty minutes to...do a load of laundry, empty the trash, clean out the dishwasher, take a shower, before...the baby wakes up, the movie ends, the kids decide they want to go outside, the quiet time ends.  In my first post I pledged to worry about the small stuff less and I will admit, it is harder than I imagined it would be. I am learning that redeeming the time means letting go of what may be natural to me in an effort serve someone else.  Tougher than I thought....I need one of those, "Caution...Road Work Ahead" signs for my parenting skills.      

 There is something special about beginnings...especially the beginning of school.  When summer ends...and fall begins...I love it, the excitement, the energy, the purpose. I have taught for seven years now and I have spent seven summers looking ahead to new school years, new classes of kids I haven't met yet, new possibilities.   I usually spend summer without much "purpose" in mind.  My brain is conditioned to spend the summer months finding ways to enjoy my girls, because I have a limited amount of weeks, days, hours to soak up as much time with them as I can.    Even though I love the beginning of a new school year, I loathe (9th grade vocabulary word) leaving behind the days spent being lazy with my little ladies.  It is a strange feeling to be both energized by a new beginning and desperately trying to hang onto the ending that must come to make the new beginning possible.  This is the first summer I will not spend the month of August counting down the days, in both excitement and sadness, to  the first day of school, desperately enjoying each last drop of sunshine with my girls, while looking ahead to the new possibilities that the school year brings.  It is both awesome and unnerving to look at the year ahead knowing I don't know what to expect, knowing that life will be different than it has ever been for me.  Knowing there is sweetness and sadness in new beginnings...

Redeeming the Time...

Sitting in church yesterday I heard an interesting statistic...the average man in his mid-thirties has 500 days left... 500 days to himself, 500 days to do what he wants to do.  These 500 days do not include sleeping, eating, driving, working, cleaning, etc... These days are 24 hours of pure choice free time.  This concept got me thinking.  What do I spend my free time doing? 

I am 30.  Ok, almost 31.  If I am honest about my free time I am pretty self absorbed.  Like most Americans, I spend my free time consumed with recreation.  For me, that means reading, watching movies or reruns of old tv shows on Netflix, shopping, eating out, on facebook, looking in the mirror thinking of ways to improve my appearance, etc.  I am pretty self absorbed and my free time proves it. When I consider the reality of my desires and try to align them with God's word, I come up short.  After listening yesterday I learned that according to Ephesians 5:15-16 we are "to walk circumspectly" (looking around) and we are responsible for "redeeming the time" given to us by God. 

I am beginning this blog in an effort to redeem the time in my life.  For the next year, I plan to spend more time with my girls, my husband, my self.  I plan to spend less time with the tv, the mall, my cell phone, and facebook.  I plan to play more board games with friends, go on more walks with my family, write more letters to my grandparents, laugh more often with everyone.  I also pledge to clean less, primp less, plan less...enjoy more.  This blog is for me.  A record of the memories I will create this year.  A time capsule to remind me to stop and smell the roses, the cookies, and the sunsets...What do sunsets smell like anyway?  Not sure, but I plan to spend the rest of the year figuring it out.