Tuesday, December 31, 2013

The danger of looking out a bathroom window....

Once upon a time when I was thirteen I lived next door to someone who I believed to be the coolest person in the world.  He was older by four years and held movie star status in my mind.  My friends, in agreement with me, were slightly jealous that I was given the privilege to reside next door to someone so enchanting.   Not only was he the picture of perfection in our middle school minds, but he also had a built in swimming pool, which made him cool to every kid who lived on our street.  The craziest part was that he played baseball, which meant that all the baseball players from the high school team would come over to his house to swim. So here I am, and all my friends, in what we believe to be love with this boy, who has no idea we exist.  What to do?  The only logical thing, have sleep overs at my house and spy on the perfect boy next door.  The truth is, we were the original stalkers, with no aide of Facebook.  We figured out that if we stood on the toilet in my dad's office bathroom and stretched our necks out just right, we could see out the window and over the privacy fence that our back yards shared and spy on the coolest boys in our universe.  The boys so out of reach to our little preteen selves that they might as well have been stars in the sky or on the silver screen.  As they did back flips and tricks off the diving board, we watched in secret believing they were brave and reckless and cool.  Beyond silly were we, what do you expect from middle school girls?

Why am I telling you this highly embarrassing truth about myself; because life always looks better stretching your neck just right to peer over the privacy fence at the perfect picture next door.  The grass is greener mentality.  The truth is ugly, not perfect, no matter how it looks on the outside.  We live in a social network world that has trained us to Photoshop the truth and make it more beautiful than it is, and sometimes those peering in are stuck missing out and not realizing that the picture is just that, a picture. I was reminded of this reality today when I was drinking coffee and perusing Facebook and Instagram.  The pictures, the online scrapbooks of our lives, show the happy moments.  Now with Instagram we can even filter out fine lines and dark circles to improve our appearance just a touch more.  I do not write these words as one who does not buy in and even participate.  If I am honest there are times I have allowed the social network to creep in and do a number on my human ego.  I have been stuck in the "Look how thin she is, look where they have traveled, look how young he looks" state of mind.  It is as if a perpetual high school reunion is happening in my mind and I must keep that picture perfect image solid.

Then I am left with the question, why?  Why am I trying to keep the picture perfect, when I know that I am anything but?  Perfect will never be the picture of me, my life, my marriage, my children, my world.  I am left knowing that in my weakness, my God is strong. That even if I stand on the toilet and peer out the window coveting swimming pools and coolness, I am still the daughter of the King who owns the cattle on a thousand hills.

Looking cooler than we actually are.
I know these jumbled thoughts might make no sense to you, and seem like the unnecessary confession of a teenage truth that would have spared humiliation left unconfessed to cyberspace; but if you are struggling today, thinking that others' holiday season looked cooler on Facebook than yours, if you are peering out technology's window wishing you were living someone else's life, stop and know that you are important and God has a specific plan and purpose for you.  I plan to start the New Year not standing on toilets, not coveting swimming pools and enjoying the existence God has given me.  I'll post some pics on Facebook so you can peak through the window and over the fence.  I promise it looks cooler than it actually is.  :)


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