What is it about libraries?

Yesterday was one of those days with the kids...the days where everything starts off fine, but by late afternoon they are ready to explode.  Our house starts to feel like a cage and my little sweet ladies begin to take on characteristics of wild animals held captive.  What to do?  What to do?  Time to open the cage doors and run free.  The problem 97 degrees outside.  Too hot to play at the park, so we drive to town, trying to think of something to do, that only takes about half an hour between errands to tame my wild beasts.  A little voice in the back seat of my car has an idea...and it is a good one...the library.  

I don't know about you, but something happens to my heart when I walk into a library.  Surrounded by books, waiting to be checked out.  A world of possibility opens up and my heart begins to smile. 

 I see my little two year old find a book, sit at a table and begin to turn pages. When the book no longer holds her attention, after about 2 minutes of deep reading, she is up wandering.  She finds a stuffed animal in a basket filled with toys and then makes her way to a magnet board just her size with giant letters and begins to move and stick the letters... pure contentment.  My six year old finds a stack of Fancy Nancy books and she catches the same contentment that has overtaken my little one.  We run into good friends and talk about books to read and not to read, as well as movies to watch and not to watch.  My six year old follows her friend over to the movies and picks out a couple of DVDs...Yes, DVDs at the library...  My two year old finds the water fountain soaks her dress and is now ready to return to the hot car...cooled off for the ride home.  

The true magic of the library is just that...A car ride home, pre-dinner, without grumpy, whining children.  No fighting or bickering from the backseat.  No caged animals here, just two little ladies looking out the windows and and letting the wind blow through their hair. 

Peaceful, happy children and new books to read, without spending a dime.  (Ok, so I did have to pay $1.62 for late fees, but don't tell anybody.)   What could be better? 

Playing Truth or Dare...

Morning coffee...Check...Morning Facebook check...Check....Morning email review....check...Morning strawberries smashed on table by two year old....Check...First of many daily kitchen cleanings...Check...Short, choppy conversation with my working husband about daily to do lists...Check...Diaper change...Check....Toaster waffles...Check...Clean up toaster waffles...Check....Realizing I am in a rut...CHECK...

Anyone else struggling with a case of the summer blues?  The reality TV show, Facebook friend vacation photo, Travel brochure in the mail induced summer blues.  It seems like the whole world is on vacation and I am still clipping coupons and cleaning house.  (Ok, I lied about the coupon clipping; I gave up on that endeavor months ago.)  I am feeling a little lost; okay, a lot lost.  I am feeling overwhelmed by the everyday routine...the blah...the ennui...(pronounced "On-wee"...ninth grade vocabulary word from "The Most Dangerous Game"...French word for boredom...and I only know this because I used to teach ninth grade English...not because I remember my ninth grade vocabulary lists.)  The problem is my present reality does not permit me to plan a vacation to Mexico...sorry Tina... :)  So, if a trip South to sooth my soul is not the answer today, what is?

I recently listened to a young Christian discuss the feeling of  spiritual height...The Mountain Top...experience as it is called.  When life feels  right with God and whole and happy.  When you aren't looking around at others and wondering why their walk looks so easy and exciting and your own walk looks so difficult.  When you are in love with your savior Jesus Christ and equally in love with what he is doing in your life right now.  I have been there...and it is a good place to be.  It is truly exciting, and fulfilling.  However; inevitably with highs, come lows; with mountains, come valleys...and sometimes we walk through valleys and it is hard to see the sun.

The day my daughter Lily was born, I felt like all was right with the world.  I felt like nothing else mattered and I felt like I would never feel dissatisfied again.  If it is possible to claim, I was wrong and I was right at the same time.  I was right in knowing that my world was forever changed and I was wrong to believe that dissatisfaction would never creep into my life again.  A month later, after nursing, sleep deprivation, and spending an hour packing the diaper bag and changing the baby for a fifteen minute trip to the grocery store, I wondered if life would ever feel right again and if I would ever sleep again.  My mountain top experience was followed by a deep valley of frustrating circumstances.

If my spiritual life is anything like my feelings the first month of motherhood, I know that the ebb and flow of the emotional tide will continue.  I know that the cirumstances of my life inevitablly impact my perception of reality.  My Christian walk is a mixture of spiritual highs and lows.  Moments on mountains celebrating God's love and goodness as well as moments in the valleys asking the question most have asked in the quiet hidden places of our hearts:  "Hello God, are you there?".


Truth: My God is an awesome God.  Truth: Right now my life doesn't feel so awesome.  Lie:  If my life doesn't feel awesome than how can my awesome God love me?  Truth: My feelings do not determine who my God is.  Truth:  Sometimes I don't believe the previous Truth.

Dare:  To live a life believing my God is good and loves me even in the blah moments, the hard moments, the scary moments, the moments of frustration, the moments that life doesn't look so good.  To see the Son even in the depths of life's valleys.

The ugly beautiful...

So I have been reading this book...

One Thousand Gifts, by Ann Voskamp,and just in case you were wondering, the cover doesn't normally come splattered in water color paints; that is the special touch of my little Joanna, one and already an artist.

For me this book has not been a quick read.  I bought this book back in June or July and I still have two chapters left to read.  In my case, it has been one of those books you pick up and read a chapter of...cry, think, ponder, search out the scriptures that are brought up, remember the Bible stories from Sunday school alluded to, and put down for a week, a month...then pick back up and start the process again. Some books I finish in days, hours, unable to stop reading them...not this one, not this book, and that is not because it is not well written, interesting, thought provoking, or inspiring...It is because it is personal, touching, and a book, for me, that takes time to process.  I think God knew this book would be good for me to read.  It is about trusting the Lord, and learning to practice thankfulness in an effort to build that trust with him.

So here I am reading a chapter on what the author calls "The Ugly Beautiful" and I get Strep Throat.  Now mind you, my family has, like many other families with small children, been battling illness since Thanksgiving.  Not terrible, life threatening illness; but the uncomfortable, up late at night, cranky toddler, ear infection, sick husband with Strep Throat, tired kindergarten with stuffy nose type of  illness, and to be honest, I am literally sick of it.  So when I had a little scratchy throat Thursday night I thought, not now, not me, I don't want to be sick.  I tried to will it away, pray it away, negotiate with God, "You know I don't have time to be sick.  Wouldn't it be better if I just felt better and could do all the things I need to do tomorrow.  I have Bible Study in the morning, groceries to shop for, high schoolers coming to my house for a bon-fire in the freezing cold...No time for the ugly illness to start now..."  God didn't agree with that because as the night progressed the little tickle in my throat began to feel like shards of glass every time I swallowed and I was awake and angry...I knew what this was, I knew it would require a trip to the doctor, antibiotics, and time...precious, precious time doing what I didn't want to do, feeling like I didn't want to feel.  I didn't see any beauty in this ugliness and I wasn't thankful at all for my soar throat.

The ugly beautiful:  I made the phone call to the doctor's office and asked for a same day appointment, to which the receptionist at first said  impossible, then thankfully found a 3 o'clock for me. My husband drove me to the doctor, went grocery shopping with Joanna while I was there with Lily and then took me to get a shake to numb my throat while we waited on my prescription.  The doctor prescribed Lily antibiotics as well without doing a Strep test, which she greatly feared, because she had all the same symptoms I did.  This meant not having to make a second trip to the pediatrician which was a huge blessing.  When we all arrived home, I laid on the couch while Jason made pizza with the girls.  As I laid there, I saw it, the beauty in the ashes...If I hadn't been sick, I wouldn't of had this moment of watching my husband, wearing an apron

covered in cherries that Lily picked out for him toss pizza dough in the air while both my little ladies stood on chairs at the counter assisting their daddy.  If I hadn't been sick, I would not have experienced the thoughtful care my husband took of me while I felt physically miserable.   To be honest, I laid there on the couch and felt completely satisfied with the moment and thankful for the momentary illness that brought my family together on a Friday afternoon to make pizza.  Thank you lord for the ugly beautiful and for books that are written to remind us of your faithfulness.

Today I was "That Lady"...

Today I was "That Lady..."!  You know the one.  The one who can't control her wild children.  The one who takes overly tired babies out and about at nap time.  The one who makes a scene, makes a mess, makes noise.  I was her.  I will admit, this is not the first time I have been her, nor will it be the last, however, today I was her with an exclamation point.

It all started at the dentist appointment, that I thought I was 15 minutes late for, but I was actually 15 minutes early for.  This early arrival was a pleasant surprise, a mini-miracle in my world.  A moment to thank God for my forgetfulness and feel blessed.  I spent the next 15 minutes relishing the feeling of being on time, which is a rare feeling for me to experience.  All seemed well with the world.  My two calm, well behaved children playing in the super cool kid friendly dental office complete with train traveling a track suspended from the ceiling, my insurance card tucked safely in my wallet when needed by the receptionist, and the cherry on top, I even brought a pen to fill out the forms.  Super mom right...hahahaha.

I am glad I enjoyed my moment of super-mom-ness...because suddenly I went from super hero to super zero.

Although my Lily has the sweetest smile, she has terrible teeth.  On the outside they look fine, but hiding between her molars are cavities...many, many cavities.  She has had dental work done before, she knew what was coming and she was the picture of control until the teeth cleaning began.  All of a sudden panic grips my child and the poor dental hygienist can't come near Lily without causing her to cry loudly for all the other children to hear.  Needless to say she survived the teeth cleaning, but not without a final freak out when the dentist tried to put a smear of fluoride on her teeth.  And the icing-on-the-cake of Joanna crying for a sucker and Lily screaming in terror over fluoride goo...a cavity...right between, you guessed it, the molars.  The dentist also made sure to call it a "flossing cavity", as in, "You should be flossing your child's teeth lady." (Ok, so maybe he didn't mean that, but in my mom brain that is what I heard.)  

After leaving the dentist, we continued to make our scene in stores around town.  The quick stops, the unneeded stops, the "Oh while we are in town I would like to" stops...which finally ended with Jo-Jo screaming so loudly in a checkout line that the manager brought us a toy to try and keep her quiet.  I am sure as I walked out the door..."That lady"...and ..."Some people"....were phrases uttered by a few of my fellow shoppers.

So there it is...my day in a nut shell...A morning of Patience Tested, wrapped up with a side of Humility.  As we drove home from the big city both of my exhausted, frustrated angels feel asleep.  I was listening to a local Christian radio station and a song came on that I desperately needed to hear...
"Where I belong" by Building 429.  Tears filled my frustrated, tired, eyes and the song reminded me that this is not my home...All I need is Jesus and to him I am not...That Lady who failed to floss her child's teeth, That lady who couldn't calm the angry toddler in the check out line, That lady who is only on time when she forgets what time her appointment is.  I am his daughter, I am loved no matter how much I fail to meet the mark, I am his.  I am "That lady who is saved."

P.S.
Here is the song that melted my heart and reminded me that this world, with all its cavities, is not my home.      


http://youtu.be/lOtsB4O1p3o