To all the mommies in the world...

Yesterday I took my oldest girl to school for the first time.  She wore an amazingly fun outfit that she picked out.  She carried her brand new Littlest Pet Shop backpack and Scooby Doo Mystery Machine lunchbox with pride and excitement.  She had no reservations about starting school.  She woke up pumped and ready to go at 6:30. She asked to leave about fifteen times between 7:00 and 7:30.  She chose to ride with Daddy in his cool work truck because, and I am guessing here, he drives a little faster than Mommy, and yes we were those parents who both went to drop her off because even though she held zero reservations about the whole event, we were both a little nervous about leaving our little one at school for the day.  Joanna and I followed in my car praying the whole way. 

I expected to cry, to be sad, to miss my Lily...but I didn't feel any of the expected emotions.  Her excitement was infectious and all I felt was joy for her optimism and expectant hope of how amazing the next phase in her little life would be.  She is my firecracker, ready to take on the world.

The above picture is my new favorite...As all moms do, I wanted to have the morning-of-the-first-day-of-school picture, prior to recess and dust and sweaty feet that have grown accustom to running in flip flops longing to be free from the confines of hot socks and tennis-shoes.  I asked Lily to pause in her excitement for a quick snap shot.  She immediately smiled, struck the above pose, and yelled excitedly, "I can't wait to start kindergarten!"  This little boy and what I can only assume was his brother, both upper elementary aged.  Were walking by and smiled at my daughter's joyous declaration.  I love my Lily.  She is amazing and I will never forget how excited she was.

Harvest Time

Sweet moments watching my little ones pick tomatoes... 

All of our watering and weeding is paying off.  I love watching my little girls pick tomatoes and eat tomatoes.  They both bite into them like apples.  Love it.  Messy, giggling, searching, finding, loving life.  Soooo much fun.  Thank you Lord for all of your sweet creations, from tomatoes to little girls. 

Why is brushing your hair and teeth so painful when you are five?

Every morning around 8 am my five year old and I have a battle between her knotted hair and my hair brush.  She usually screams in agony as I try to, as gently as possible, remove the knots and tangles that her pillow has created.  I would like to report that this is the only daily task that reduces her to a puddle of tears, but sadly I cannot.  She usually loses it over brushing her teeth with toothpaste, which she claims is "too spicy" even though I have purchased the kid's watermelon or strawberry flavor, washing her hair and eating most vegetables.  Not sure why, but she seems to be protesting any process that produces cleanliness and health.  If it were up to my litttle lady she would leave the house unbrushed, unwashed, sporting her mismatched pj's and a pair of flip flops...stinky yet comfortable.

As I consider this current stage in her life, I look at my own walk with Christ.  I think sometimes I must sound very much like my angry five year old.  "Pray Danielle, read your Bible Danielle, wash in the daily cleansing of my word"....yet I protest.  I allow other daily tasks to take the place of the most important...connecting with God through spending time in his word and prayer.  When I start my day spending time with God, I am encouraged, filled up, ready to take on the day...when I don't, I am tangled, mismatched, frustrated easily, reduced to a puddle of tears by minor glitches in my daily routine. 

I've tried to explain to my five year old the long term effects of not brushing her teeth and not combing her hair; a toothless, tangled future.  As I negotiate yet again the morning routine, I start to consider the long term results of not developing daily time with my lord and savior.  Maybe I will have all my teeth and my hair won't be tangled, but I will not grow spiritually. I will become weak and frail, and I will miss out on the abundant life God has planned for me. 

This week's goal:  Spend time with God daily...and get my mini me to cooperate in cleanliness without too much protesting.  Pray for me. 

Million Dollar View

When did preparing for vacation become so exhausting? 

When I was a little kiddle VACATION was one of my favorite words.  Vacation meant camping, Disneyland, the beach, grandma's house...the possibilities were endless and always exciting to think about and prepare for.   Like pizza on Friday nights, vacations never seemed like a bad idea.  Now, as a mother with small children, vacation isn't always a happy thought.  Just as pizza is no longer my first choice of food on a Friday night, vacations don't always sound like a good idea.  Not to sound negative but I now understand why my parents were happy to return home after a long week away in a motor home, tent, van, with three young children and the dog.  I now know why my mom seemed exasperated while preparing to leave and why my dad and her usually spent the first ten minutes in the car reviewing the mental checklist of things forgotten and reassuring one another that they didn't really need to bring that item after all.  I now understand the behind the scenes activities that accompany preparing for take off...even if it is just a road trip. 

Today, as my own family prepared for such a trip I took a moment to learn a lesson from my oldest little girl.  I was on the deck, soaking the flower buckets and checking on the tomatoes when I heard my Lily playing.  She was on the front stairs with a few toys, a couple stuffed animals and a bucket of dog food that she added a couple of cups of water to in an effort to make soup for her stuffed pets.  She was giggling and singing and telling her toys all about our exciting adventure to come.  I just stopped for a moment and listened.  It was like traveling back in time.  I immediately felt seven years old, barefoot standing on the warm summer driveway in the evening, watching my dad pack the car, day dreaming of all the possibilities that lay ahead.  For a moment I felt the care free excitement of childhood that allows one to truly experience all that life has to offer, free from the stress and worry that adulthood brings.

For a moment it was nice to see the world through the eyes of my little girl.  And you know what? Life looks pretty sweet through her eyes.

Step 1...

Today I realized that I have lost the capacity to spend time alone and truly enjoy it. Pre-motherhood I could wander a store solo, spend an afternoon bike riding independently, read a book while lounging on my living room floor without anyone to talk to and truly feel at rest and at peace in my solitude. However, in the last five years I have slowly, without noticing, unlearned the art of quiet time.

Today when I left my house around noon, my two little ones entrusted to an awesome babysitter, I was looking forward to three hours of almost free time awaiting me in the big city, alone...able to shop and run errands without anyone complaining, whining, arguing, crying, etc.  In theory this all sounded utterly blissful; in reality, it felt utterly lonely. I guess I have grown accustom to being a party of three.  After spending the last two months as The Three Amigas, I feel a little lost when I do not have my girls in tow. 

I guess there are two sides to this coin, two truths that must learn to coexist some how without canceling each other out. Truth 1:   I am a mom and thus my heart is joined to my childrens' hearts.  Being apart from them feels a little like leaving the house only wearing one earring or one shoe, uncomfortable and out of sorts.  Second truth:  I am an individual who needs time to recoup, think, run errands uninterrupted, sing too loud to the radio in the car with the windows down on back country roads where only the wind, dogs and cows can hear (Not that I do that.  ;) , breathe, have time alone for me and God to chat.  Not spending time alone with me, myself, and God feels a little like losing touch with an old friend, regretful and sad. 

Answer:  Not sure....but isn't the first step admitting the problem.  On the road to recovery...one step at a time.

Removing the weeds in love...

I find great fulfillment in pulling weeds....I know that sounds crazy, but I actually like the process, chore, job of going outside and spending some time yanking the little green monsters out of the ground.  It is quite satisfying to stop them from taking over and choking out my little tomato garden.  

Yesterday I was spending some quality time weeding while Joanna napped and I began thinking about God and me and weeds.  I began to think how God is the master gardener of my little life.  As sins crop up in my life, which they do daily, he comes in and helps me weed them out.   He would gladly pull them out by the root, ridding me of each specific sin permanently, but sometimes, unlike my tomato garden, I fight the gardener himself.  I hold on to the sin by the roots.  I won't let it go, and then I am left with that sin or weed that has only been scalped but not completely uprooted and soon, with time, it grows back.  I began to consider how frustrated God must get with me, with my sins, the weeds that grow back continually, then I had an epiphany.  I am never mad at my garden for having weeds.  I have never once thought, "Garden, how can you grow weeds, what is wrong with you?"  In fact, I know the weeds will come.  I expect the weeds to show up all summer long, and I find satisfaction in daily tackling the chore of weeding: removing the bad in an effort to allow the fruitful plants to flourish and provide my family with delicious tomatoes.

Life lesson learned while gardening:  I enjoy maintaining and caring for my garden.  God enjoys maintaining and caring for me.  While I do not like that weeds grow in my garden, I still love my garden in spite of the weeds.  While God detests the sins that grow in my life, he still loves me in spite of my sins and continually helps me rid my life of them. 

But God demonstrates His own love toward us, in that while we were still sinners, Christ died for us. Romans 5:8

fried chicken, wind chimes, and hope...

Soooo frustrated today...  Nothing life altering, just general existing is hard kind of stuff. 

My day started at the dentist, 7 am, two fillings.  While in the dentist chair, I noticed a big blue ink stain on my favorite jeans, boo.  Vanilla Latte, a few moments of quiet in the car driving home, up and dressed before 8 am...I had big plans for a fabulous day despite the altered favorite jeans and the numb and tingling mouth.  When I arrived home, all was quiet on the western front.  The girls were still sleeping and Jason was preparing to leave.  I made him breakfast, we talked for a quiet moment, all was well with the world.  My little lady Lily seemed happy when she woke up but her inner ogre came out the minute we entered a public atmosphere. Forgot Joanna's diaper bag and shoes when we headed out today.  Despite these few set backs, I had a great time with Tina, Andrew, and Lareesa...Tie Dye Tuesday...running around Buhl for about two hours.  After a delicious lunch at Arctic Circle, where Lily displayed her lack of table manners for about half an hour, we ended up at the public library.  Inside the library my daughter became a quiet and peaceful child.  Everything was going well and after about thirty minutes of quiet time...Joanna decided that she needed to liven up the place.  It was time for the Richardson girls to head on our way.  I told Lily we needed to go, but she felt differently.  Not sure why, but a fit was had as we left the library...I have to say it was a very quiet fit, complete with silent foot stomping and dirty looks.  She waited to cry and scream until we got outside, very considerate of her.  I feel a small sense of accomplishment that she knows and observes the library rule of silence.  Skipped the grocery store, straight home, nap time...ya' right!  Both girls laid awake in bed for over half an hour.  Grumpy on the phone with Jason, skipped a fun BBQ with my BFF Tina, and decided, that for today, all hope was gone...a serious case of the poor me's!  Just when I was ready to give up, throw in the towel, cry (OK, so I did cry.)....Jason shows up with a wind chime for our garden, fried chicken for dinner, and the hinges I've been meaning to buy to hang this swing I bought for JoJo over three weeks ago.  Jason hung up Joanna's swing and I spent about an hour gardening while Lily pushed JoJo in her new swing.  The girls ended the day laughing and giggling together, happy ending after all.  Leave it to hope to show up looking like my husband, smelling like fried chicken and sounding like wind chimes.